tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7768193087931747200.post-34008299736971334792008-04-09T11:03:00.005-04:002008-04-09T11:40:47.237-04:00<div style="text-align: left;">Many books have been written about shame. Yet they all begin with the same problem: shame defies definition. Language fails to describe what is occurring <span style="font-size:78%;">(Kaufman, 1996)</span>. A root meaning of shame is to cover or envelop <span style="font-size:78%;">(Lynd, 1958, McClintock, 2001)</span>; it is as if the very experience is covered up by the inability to express it. When pain cannot be named, the experience can seem overwhelming and uncontrollable. Conversely, once shame is identified, it begins to lose power <span style="font-size:78%;">(H.B. Lewis, 1971)</span>.<br /><br />Thankfully, the difficulty of defining shame has not stopped authors from attempting to classify it. Definitions of shame consistently include the element of exposure <span style="font-size:78%;">(Lynd, 1958; Kaufman &amp; Raphael, 1996)</span>. Shame exposes a person’s flaws or inferiority <span style="font-size:78%;">(Tangney &amp; Dearing, 2002; Brown, 2004; Kaufman, 1996; Adams &amp; Robinson, 2001)</span>. The experience is keenly focused on the self as opposed to behavior <span style="font-size:78%;">(H. B. Lewis, 1971; Lynd, 1958)</span>. Because of the inward focus, shame deeply affects the identity and relationships of an individual <span style="font-size:78%;">(Kaufman, 1996; Tangney &amp; Dearing, 2002)</span>. Perhaps most significantly, shame includes an aspect of condemnation in which the person deduces that he or she will not be accepted, respected, or loved as they had been before their inferiority had come to light <span style="font-size:78%;">(Brown, 2004; Tangney &amp; Dearing, 2002)</span>.<br /><br />If you find yourself in pain, but without words to help you understand it – it is at least possible that you are experiencing shame. As you ponder your circumstances ask yourself:<br /></div> <ul> <li>Do I feel exposed?</li> <li>Do I feel painfully inferior or flawed?</li> <li>Am I focused on what this means about me as a person (versus feeling concern over my behavior or what others might be experiencing)?</li> <li>Am I certain that something horrible will happen as a result of who I am?</li> </ul> If so, label the experience as shame, and begin the process of taming the shame (more on this later). In the mean time, what has helped you identify shame in your life?<br /><br /><a href="http://www.veronicajohnson.com/blogReferences.html">References</a>Veronicahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03780862590031331730noreply@blogger.com